What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 00:00
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Dicta numquam repudiandae corrupti labore ea facere.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Who are some good social skills therapists in Pompano Beach, Florida?
He knew the spot.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were not on the streets..
Knicks' Decision to Fire Tom Thibodeau Was Brewing For 'Months' - Sports Illustrated
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Minecraft's "Vibrant Visuals" update finally has a release date - Eurogamer
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But it wasn’t much.
I said to her
She wouldn,t have been !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was very sick at this time too.
All the time i was locked up.
Is This a Real-Life ‘Jaws’ Situation? - AOL.com
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Pablo Lopez To Miss Multiple Months With Teres Major Strain - MLB Trade Rumors
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Observations from Day 5 of OTAs - Cleveland Browns
I think the readers, may guess!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Are We Wrong About Dark Matter? Dwarf Galaxies Suggest So - SciTechDaily
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It was going to be , some day.
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Who then, do I blame.?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She loved him until the end.
I was 9 years of age.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was scared of men, in general
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
Would this be the day?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I waited trembling.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But, we were locked up after school.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So, i spoilt her more .
We all went to grammer schools
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Comes on , in middle age.
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Put me off passion for life!!
I will be 64.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My life is so biszare .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When she asked me how she looked .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I write beautiful poetry .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What did i know ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But ive been too sick for many years..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So whats the point in blame.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i lived it daily.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!